Some experiences end up being so precious to us that we just want to keep them close to our hearts and not share them with others. That is how I feel about last night when I saw Pink at the Fargodome. I feel like it was such an important moment in my life and even though I normally would keep this to myself, I’m going to share it today.
As much as I love going to concerts, they always highly exacerbate my Tourette Syndrome. The excitement, the crowds, the nervous energy, and the caffeine that I don’t normally drink made last night no different than usual. My tics were kicked into high gear. The reason this is such a problem for me is because my tics make me feel very self-conscious and very self-aware, and they take my focus away from the performance when I can’t even keep my eyes and head looking straight. And add in the close quarters with strangers and it is my definition of hell. But I put up with it for my love of music.
Last night I had a few moments where I was getting frustrated with myself and was feeling like I wasn’t able to fully soak in the music in that moment because my tics were driving me crazy and were making me feel ridiculously self-conscious. But then the revelation hit me like a brick. Here I was just hating on myself while listening to music that preaches self love. And then I realized how often I do this, and how often I go through my days not feeling like I’m being true to myself. So as crazy as it may sound, I needed this concert. I needed it to bring my focus back to who I really am and not just who I think I need to be. An adult, but still a kid at heart. Strong, but sensitive. Creative, and logical. A dreamer, but still realistic. I am so many different things, and I don’t need to let “adulthood” and whatever excuses dull my shine.