I can feel the weight of the day sitting right behind my eyelids.
As if this wasn’t enough, it brings me right back to when we were kids.
I look at her face, and I can see the hatred in your eyes.
I bet you still don’t know that you were my demise.
I bet you go about your days and you don’t think of me for a second.
But I’m still learning to let go of the messes.
I’m still learning how to catch the rope so I don’t fall.
But you probably don’t think of me at all.
I see her pain, and I wonder if that was you.
I wonder if you hurt me because someone hurt you, too.
Now I have to work at stopping the cycle you created.
Even though you deny that you made it.
Now I carry responsibilities around with me like a gun in my back pocket.
I need them to feel safe, but the weight makes me fear that I might drop it.
And if I drop it, I’m not the only one who gets hurt anymore.
If I fall, I carry a dozen with me out the door.
So at night when I pray, it’s not just for me and you.
I pray for the strength to get them through this, too.