Free

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I want to feel free.

I want to wake up everyday feeling refreshed, knowing that how I spend my day is completely up to me.

No 9-5, no shift work, no outside obligations but the ones I choose to take on because they excite my heart.

I don’t want a boss.

No one to tell me what to do, when and how to do it.

I want to feel like I’m actually creating my own life, instead of being told when I’m allowed to live it.

Some may say it’s a pipe dream, unachievable, impossible within the confines of modern society.

But most things that exist by human creation were once thought to be impossible.

So here I sit, continuously searching for an answer. A solution. A way in, instead of a way out.

Brick by brick, step by step, I create something I hope to be proud of someday.

I hope to be free.

Everything Is Different

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On a day like today, I wonder about you.

Are you celebrating?

Or is it just another day droning on, the same one you have been reliving for years now.

Do you miss us?

Do you miss me?

Do you even truly know the reasons behind the things you do?

I don’t think you realize when you are hurting someone.

Your own misery consumes you, and everything else falls by the wayside.

You think we will still be here in the end, waiting.

Pretending like nothing is different.

But we won’t.

Everything is different.

We are reaching for the sky, while you are still slogging through the mud.

We can only help so much before our efforts become useless.

Before the olive branch becomes a burden.

Before we realize we are worth more than this.

We are worth more than second best.

We are worth more than the silence.

You call us family, but those words are empty because family sticks together.

Everything is different now.

And maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

25

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I’m just 25 and I know I’m so young, but I feel like I’ve lived 100 years.

Put in a box just like everyone else, but I keep saying fuck all the fears.

I know you don’t get it and I try to explain, but I just keep repeating myself.

Until I’m blue in the face at the end of the day,

because we both know there’s no other way.

So next time you tell me it’s this or it’s that,

and the world is just black or it’s white,

I’ll paint it all blue, green and purple too,

just to show you I’ve always been right.

I’ve always been one to go my own way, to build walls against tides rushing in.

But sometimes it hurts to peek over the fence and get burned by the sun shining in.

It’s beauty in the sky and keep us alive,

but it hurts if you stay just too long.

So I stay on my side with my walls built so high,

because I don’t trust those who casually stop by.

I’m just 25 and I shouldn’t say this because I should be young and carefree,

but with the scars on my heart and the thoughts in my head,

I find it hard to be me.

Enough

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I finally let my guard down, and everything falls apart.

I think I’m where I’m meant to be, but then doubt rips through my heart.

Balancing the weight feels like a bomb or a grenade.

One tiny misstep and I ruin everything I’ve made.

Sometimes I feel lucky to do what’s in my heart.

But other days I wonder if this is just the start.

Will I always feel so insecure, like I am two feet small?

Does it get easy as time goes by, am I made for this at all?

I felt so sure right from the start, but doubt’s been creeping in.

And I’ve never been one for giving up,

I don’t want them to win.

They win if I quit without giving my all,

but that means finally tearing down the walls.

What if, without them, I can’t handle the fight?

What if it makes me not sleep at night?

If I’m not meant to be here, if I don’t make the cut,

I’m not sure I’ll find a place that ever makes me feel like I’m enough.

Discovery

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A tiny little speck against all of mankind

And all of the things that we left behind

All of the meaning and all of the peace

I seek it out just as it seeks out me

Peace among men and peace in our souls

How do we find it when we are not whole

So big and so vast is this world where we stand

The disconnect leads us to not understand

We don’t understand, or listen, or see

But we just expect to have and receive

Taking up space in our minds and our hearts

Constantly bringing us further apart

We look to the past and the future ahead

But we miss the right now, and the path that we tread

We search out the love, and the joy, and content

But we miss the connection, our energy spent

We look to the stars and dream out sweet dreams

And find out that things are not quite what they seem